How To Forgive

Question?

Dear Sirah,

I had a terrible event happen and it broke my heart. My son left the business that I had mentored him in for 10 years. He went and started his own thing and took many of my clients from me. I can’t understand why my own son would be so hurtful and vindictive. I felt like I gave him everything, but in the end, he screwed me. We haven’t spoken now for 3 years. – NP

Answer

There probably are some deep emotional wounds in your son that caused him to betray you. I would imagine this to be a very humiliating situation for you with your group of friends and people in the business. I wonder though, if you have imagined the rest of your life without contact and if there was a way to repair this? You have to forgive him for his actions. This is for you, not for him. The element of compassion toward him for this radical move against you must be understood in order for you to complete this life cycle and be at peace. If you haven’t tried to reach out, I suggest you do so by writing him a letter of forgiveness. Let him know how deeply difficult this has been for you. It lingers in your heavy heart. The feelings of compassion for yourself should rise and give way to new feelings for him. Even if you never send the letter, do it because it will make you feel better and lead to more resolution. Perhaps in time, there will be a reunion but your anger toward him will keep his cycle of anger going in his life toward his own children. You are the parent, he is the child. Do the right thing. Don’t be afraid to look weak. The weaker person is the one who is afraid of their own dark side!