How To Deal With Loss

Question?

Dear Sirah,

Two years ago I lost my husband. He was the love of my life. I let myself go. I have a strained relationship with my kids. We all relied on my husband so much that our family is left wounded and broken. I don’t know how to overcome the loneliness and feeling lost. Our couples friends don’t ask me to join them anymore for dinner. We used to do so many things together and now it is all up to me. I feel very alone in day to day life. What can I do to overcome the pain and suffering? -NT

Answer:

You didn’t just lose a husband, you lost a lifestyle, a routine, a family united, a whole set of friends. You lost a predictable existence. Grief often impacts ones ability to function. It impacts everyone in the family. But everyone grieves differently which is very often why people fight and don’t get along in a family dynamic after a parent or sibling dies. Compassion for oneself is the answer and the only way to pave the way for the future. Finding a safe place to express oneself is important also. Often people are afraid to talk about it for fear they will say the wrong thing and that leaves the person who is suffering from loss feeling very lonely and isolated. Spend time with people who love you unconditionally. Let it out. You don’t have to have a plan for your life. Take it one day at a time. Be more gentle and loving toward yourself than you have ever been. Your beloved will be with you forever and so the only thing that will comfort you is the connection to live well knowing you loved well and commit your life to be present and see the beauty in everyone and everything. Grief will pass. Allow it and eventually the sun will come out again.